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When There’s Nothing Left – Choosing Trust
Looking at the ultrasound monitor, I didn’t need anyone to tell me. I knew as soon as I saw him. My baby was dead. We sat in a small, separate waiting room with dim lighting and multiple Kleenex boxes waiting for the doctor. Four weeks ago our baby was wiggling all over that monitor, waving to us, measuring just right, looking good. And now he was dead. Why would God do this to us again? Seven months ago, we had lost our first baby at 18 weeks. I thought it was the hardest thing I’d ever gone through. By the time I started miscarrying, he was already absorbing into my…
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Trust and Panic Attacks
I was an illogically worried child. If it was five minutes past 8pm, then I would keep myself awake being worried about not getting enough sleep. I could never sleep at other people’s houses, which then would make me worried about being exhausted the next day. I couldn’t have clocks that I could see in my bedroom because then I would worry if it got too late. I specifically remember lying in bed at night as a child, thinking about my three greatest fears: my house burning down, a tornado coming (unlikely since I lived in Michigan), and throwing up. This was a nightly occurrence for years. I had an…
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I Will Not Fear
Apparently ISIS has trained soldiers in my state ready to follow orders, ready to commit more acts of terror like what happened in Paris. This should make me nervous, right? Social Media is full of scared people worried about terrorists. Our country is full of scared people, such as the people who are now refusing to allow refuges into their states. I’m not afraid. In fact, I say bring it! Why? Because I’m amazing? No! Absolutely not! It’s because I believe that my God is big enough to handle it all! But, I might die! So what? Death means life with Jesus! But if I’m dead, who will take care…